“My work is less about seduction and increasingly about the fear and vulnerability I feel in facing new situations.”

~ Nicole Rubio

When I could see my work I was too much of a perfectionist and severely blocked. It was only when it became real that it was now or never that I was willing to try. Somehow it felt like I had less to lose if I was starting with a handicap.

“What bothers me most is losing color, which I can still see some, but not with the subtlety I could before.”

What bothers me most is losing color, which I can still see some, but not with the subtlety I could before. I am legally blind, due to a degenerative retinal disease. I have no peripheral or night vision and I am slowly losing my central vision. When I use color in my drawings, a lot of it is from my memory. I buy a pastel, say burnt sienna, in a range of light to dark, about five steps. I can still see the value. (Lights and darks.) I mark each box clearly and put each piece back into its place before picking up another piece. If later I find pieces on the floor, I probably won’t know what color they are and will have to throw them out. I waste a lot of time looking for my eraser or a pencil that I put down without thinking about where I was putting it.

“Frustrating, I can’t see what I’ve just drawn until I step back five feet. Then I find another spot and step back up and put my finger on it to work on it.”

Frustrating. I can’t see what I’ve just drawn until I step back five feet. Then I find another spot and step back up and put my finger on it to work on it. I see my work best by photographing it with my phone and then increasing the sharpness and contrast on the computer. Cumbersome. I feel driven to draw every day, and because I can finally work, I wouldn’t trade this time in my life for anything. Ironic. As I have gotten older and my eyesight worse, my work is less about seduction and increasingly about the fear and vulnerability, I feel in facing new situations.

My Studio

I work in one spot. You could call it a pop-up studio. It’s on my living room floor, a 4×6 foot rectangle across from the window. I need natural light, so I work between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. When I’m done I roll up the canvas drop cloth and put away my supplies and voila it’s a living room again until tomorrow.

I work in one spot. You could call it a pop-up studio. It’s on my living room floor, a 4×6 foot rectangle across from the window.

In the studio with Nicole